Unpack their idea of a « good life. »
Furthermore, take note of how much they tend to blame everyone or everything else (ex’s, former employers, family members, etc.) for personal setbacks. Cloud, co-author of Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationship, suggests too much of doing so is a warning sign that they’ll ultimately start to blame you for their issues.
Ask them about their talents.
Ask: What are you really good at? What do you do to keep growing in…[insert area you’re discussing]? “Listen for aspects of the conversation that lets you see how much responsibility they take for life,” proposes Cloud. “Do they see themselves as someone who’s creating their own life or waiting for it to just show up?”
Learn about their family and friends.
Begin with a simply phrased “Tell me about your family.” See what you learn. Even if it’s a negative story, Cloud says, you can respond with “Wow, that sounds hard. How did you deal with that or overcome it?”
Additionally, inquire about their friends. Tune in for the existence of close and long-term friends. “If all of their ‘close’ friends are new, that usually is not a good sign,” cautions Cloud. That is, unless they just moved, because, hey meeting friends as an adult can be tough. And, naturally, if they went through a divorce, that also lends itself to complications.
We all have a concept of what our ideal life would be. For you, ily, getting out of debt or winning the next season of Big Brother. What is it for the person eating chips and dip across from you?
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According to Cloud, one way to dig into this can be asking: “So, if we were sitting here two years from now, what would have happened in your life for you to say ‘things are really good?’ And here’s an important question for you at this point: Do the things that are going to make them happy resonate with you?
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